The Many Faces of Grief

Grief isn’t always about death — and it doesn’t always look the way we expect.

When we hear the word grief, we often think of mourning the death of a loved one. And while this is one of the most profound and universally recognised forms of grief, it’s far from the only one.

Grief can take many forms. It can be loud or quiet, visible or hidden. It can follow us around like a shadow, or catch us off guard months — even years — after a loss. Sometimes, it shows up in ways we don’t immediately recognise: exhaustion, irritability, numbness, or a sense that life has lost its colour. There is no one-size-fits-all experience of grief, and no timeline for how long it "should" last.

Loss Comes in Many Forms

We grieve not only for people, but for the lives we thought we’d have.

• The breakdown of a relationship.

• The loss of health, identity, or a sense of safety.

• The end of a career or change in financial circumstances.

• The absence of a relationship we deeply needed, perhaps with a parent, sibling, or partner.

• The dream of becoming a parent that never came to be.

These are often referred to as non-death losses — and yet they can be just as painful, life-altering, and disorienting. Because they are not always recognised by others (or even ourselves), they can lead to what’s called disenfranchised grief: grief that isn’t openly acknowledged, socially validated, or publicly mourned.

The Complexity of Infertility Grief

One area where disenfranchised grief is especially common is in the experience of infertility and involuntary childlessness. When you’re navigating failed treatments, pregnancy loss, early menopause, or the slow realisation that motherhood may not be part of your path, you may feel as though you're grieving something invisible — a child who never existed, a future that was deeply longed for.

This grief is real, and it matters. But it’s often silenced or minimised by well-meaning comments like “you can always try again” or “everything happens for a reason.” These words can unintentionally deepen the sense of isolation.

Grieving What Wasn’t Safe

Sometimes we grieve for what we didn’t have. A childhood without security, a parent who was emotionally unavailable, a version of ourselves that never got to fully exist. This form of grief is often intertwined with trauma — it’s the mourning of what should have been, what was owed to us, but never came.

This grief is complex, and it doesn’t have a clear start or end. It can sit in the background for years before something brings it to the surface — a new relationship, a transition, or simply a growing awareness of your own unmet needs.

There’s No Right Way to Grieve

You might feel sadness, anger, guilt, relief, numbness, or confusion. You might feel all of them at once. You might feel nothing at all. Grief doesn’t move in tidy stages — it loops, spirals, and sometimes disappears altogether before creeping back in.

There is no right way to grieve, only your way.

Therapy Can Help You Make Sense of It

Grief can feel incredibly isolating — especially if the world doesn’t seem to understand the loss you’re carrying. In therapy, there’s space to explore your grief in all its complexity. To name it, understand it, and begin to integrate it into your life in a way that feels meaningful and bearable.

You don’t have to rush. You don’t have to "move on." But you can learn to move with your grief — and eventually, to live alongside it with more ease and compassion for yourself.

If you’re carrying something heavy and unspoken, you’re not alone. I’m here to walk with you.